Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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