Pass out mid-funnel last night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
