drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
