Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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