My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
