What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
vagina is talking i cant
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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