Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
