My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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