You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
