we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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