If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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