The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
