he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize