i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
