Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
