Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
