We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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