just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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