WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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