Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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