it's not cheating when I paid for it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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