Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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