If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
