I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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