I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
