I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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