that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
