i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
