Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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