If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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