So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
