can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
