he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
