i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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