at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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