Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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