can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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