p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
