i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Apparently you make a good broom.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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