I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i permit you to call me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
