Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize