and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
