Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What a dumb baby whore.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
