So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
