My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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