And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
