I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
