i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
