Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
