im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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