i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
