he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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