my vag is so smooth its legendary
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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