Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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