I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize