can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize