why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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