the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
