He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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