Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
