Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
