She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
