and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Randomize
