I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
