just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
