I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
